Going Up

There are over 700,000 elevators in the United States. For several millions of Americans, elevators are part of daily life. When I was little, the only times I was ever fortunate enough to ride on one of these then fascinating machines were during vacations or on Easter brunch at the Big E – where we played elevator tag. Since this was such a foreign object my mother saw it only fit to brief her children on elevator etiquette.

  

From a young age I believed these unwritten rules to be universally acknowledged and widely followed. It wasn’t until recently (upon my move cross-country) that I realized this is not nearly the case. Rudeness seems to be a widespread epidemic. People barge onto elevators without even having the decency to let the people on board get off. Personal space has become a thing of the past. The list of grievances could go on.


Not only are basic guidelines blatantly ignored at times, but all common sense seems to escape a number of people when standing in front of those metal doors.

Here is an illustration of what I’m talking about – a real-life, first-hand experience of pure elevator ignorance. (Please excuse my rant – at the time this occurrence went from being slightly funny, to extremely annoying, back to only borderline comical. This incident took place on my way to the office early on a Monday morning, which only added to my strife. People will never cease to frustrate/humor me. However, I hope no one takes offense to my ramblings as I know all of us have more than likely been there at some point or another. Please note the characters involved in this story will be referred to as “individuals” to help protect their identities and avoid any appearance of discrimination toward the parties involved.) Enjoy my excerpt:

               

I park on the lowest level of the parking garage in my building, P2. There is only one button when you arrive at the elevator lobby.

(Up.)

As usual, I arrive to an empty lobby and push the button.

(Once.)

As I am pressing the key, Individual A approaches the elevator bank.

(This person clearly saw me push the button, saw that the button was already lit up, but…)

Individual A proceeds to push the button again.

(…because this is magically going to summon the car faster)

We continue to wait about thirty seconds then Individual A decides to start repeatedly pressing the button.

(After this doesn’t make a difference…)

The elevator finally comes. Inside the elevator is another Individual – B.

(Now I already explained that we are on the bottom floor but this person did not step off the elevator. I could open up a whole new can of worms with this individual but since I did not actually witness the initial act of stupidity I will refrain.)

Individual A and I join Individual B on the elevator. I press floor three. Individual A looks at the buttons but does nothing.

(So I assume Individual A is getting off on floor three as well. Just to be sure…)

I ask Individual A, “what floor?” Response: “three.” The elevator goes up one floor to P1, stops, then states “floor P1, going up.”

(Yes, in Beverly Hills we have talking elevators, pretty damn fool proof…you’d think.)

Individual C steps onto the elevator and Individual A steps off. Immediately, Individual A is struck with confusion, looking completely lost.

(First off, we went up one floor – how on earth could he (or she) have thought we’d made it all the way to the third floor. Secondly, as I mentioned earlier – the elevator talks! How could he (or she) possibly get off on the wrong floor?)

While Individual A is going through this personal crisis, Individual C now takes the spotlight. When entering the elevator this person sees that floor three has already been selected but pushes the button again regardless.

(Why? Would it have been too embarrassing for him (or her) to be caught looking at the elevator buttons, see his (or her) floor has already been chosen, and look away? No! He (or she) looks like an idiot pressing a button that has unmistakably already been selected!)

At this point Individual A steps back into the car and we proceed to the second and then third floor. Everyone finally makes it to their destinations.

(End scene.)